


Finding yourself

by Ladynight



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: A little angst, Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Alternate Universe - No Werewolves, Bullying, But Not Much, Claudia is alive!, First Kiss, First Time, Fluffy Ending, High School, Humor, I think that's it - Freeform, M/M, Major crush, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Trans Stiles, boy pussy stiles, dirty talking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 12:03:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4705364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladynight/pseuds/Ladynight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It was on the boy’s names part of the book.” Her cheeks got flushed all of the sudden.<br/>“Honey, if you like it, it doesn’t matter if it is a boy or girl’s name.”<br/>The little girl stared at her for a moment.<br/>“Stiles. I would like people to call me Stiles.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone. I decided to write some Tran!Stiles, and that requiered a lot of research and somethings may not be quiet as I wrote, cuz you know, I changed a little because of plot and all.  
> I hope you like it and know that comments are very well received.

**_“Birds born in cages think flying is an illness.”_ **

_-Alejandro Jodorowsky._

Her room was a bright pink color, flowers and unicorns all over the walls. Claudia was the one who decorate it, she and John grabbing brushes and painting it way before Stacy was born, laughing and picturing how much their little girl would love it. And for a little time there Stacy _did_ actually love it, all the girly fluffy stuff, but then she started walking and talking _,_ **thinking** on her own and so things started to change.

“But I don’t want to.”

“Honey, why not? It’s a lovely dress.” Claudia was holding the tiny red dress with white hearts on it. “You’ll look so beautiful in this.”

“But I want to wear my pants.” Stacy crossed her arms over her chest, little angry expression.

“Stacy, baby, you can’t wear pants and a t-shirt for your father’s reunion.”

“Why not?” For a five years old, Stacy was pretty damn sassy.

Claudia let out a sigh, eyes closing “If you wear this dress you can have ice cream before dinner, how about this?”

She made a face like she didn’t quiet like that, but knew it was the best she was going to get, so the little girl just rolled her eyes “Fine.”

It all happened in very tiny gestures, slowly. Claudia thought it was all going to be just a phase, you know? She thought that maybe the only thing that was going on there, was that her baby just wasn’t a really girly girl and that’s absolutely fine. John pretend nothing was even happening, pretending everything was just normal.

At the begging it was all small stuff, like Stacy preferring to play baseball instead of playing with dolls, she rather play video games than play house with the neighbor’s daughter and getting her to wear a dress or a skirt was the most difficult thing Claudia had ever done in her entire life. However, they thought, _they had the certain_ , that it was all just a phase, that when Stacy got older, it would be all “normal” again.

But normal doesn’t exist, none of us are normal and that’s the beauty of life. We are all different individuals with different always of being, and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you’re happy with who you are.

 Such a shame only few people see it that way.

She was looking in the mirror, her hair was long and it was bothering her for some reason, all straight and brown falling down her back. She had asked for her mom to cut it right above the ears, but Claudia said she was going to think about it, which was another way of saying she was not doing it. Stacy turned her little body and stared at her reflection and it was just… she felt like it was wrong, for some reason she quiet didn’t know yet, for her hair to be that big. Her mom was singing in the kitchen, making dinner while Dad was at work. Tomorrow was her very first day in school and so she just went for it. Stacy sneaked into her parents’ room, opening the last draw of her dad’s closet and grabbing the scissors.

The tufts of hair falling on the floor, it was hard to cut it off at first, hard to make it equal, but she thought she was doing a pretty good job. When it was done, Stacy looked in the mirror and smiled because it was just like she imagined. Ok, maybe it was a little uneven and some parts were shorter than others, but it was better than before _. It was more her_. She heard dad’s car pulling over and cleaned the floor as fast as she could, putting all the hair under her bed, she would deal with it later. As soon as she finished, Claudia yelled for her to come down to dinner.

And so she did.

“Oh my god, Stacy, what have you done?” Claudia took the oven mints off, coming to caress her daughter’s hair. Or should I say _lack_ of hair? “Your hair was so beautiful!”

“I like it better now.” She bitted down her lips. “But, hum, I don’t think I did it very right? Can you fix the wrong parts mommy?”

Claudia was speechless, the perfect long, soft hair of her little girl was gone. All gone. “Sure, honey.” And although she would finish the cut later, Claudia was still sad about her baby girl cutting her beautiful hair, looking like a little boy now.

“Thanks mommy!” Stacy hugged her.

The only thing John said during dinner was “You look like a boy now.” And all Stacy said in response while stuffing her mouth with fries was “I like it.”

That night, when Claudia and John lied in bed, he was a little worried about his baby girl. “Relax honey, I’m sure it’s just a phase. It’s going to go away soon.” She kissed his cheeks.

“I hope you’re right.”

*

Kids can be incredibly mean when they want to, not wanting or not liking anything different from what they were taught as “normal” (Some adults too, what can I say, not everybody grow up). It’s sad, but it is also true. Stacy got into her classroom, that funny feeling on her belly, the excitement of something new, she got her red ladybug backpack on, a t-shirt and shorts. There were a few other kids there too, which made her very happy because she loved to talk, she loved people in general, a thing she got from her mother. The other girls had their nails painted, long hair and some of them were carrying Barbies. All Stacy had was a stuffed wolf.

The girls didn’t talk to her.

She was sitting alone on the sandbox when a kid from her classroom, Jackson, approached her.

“Are you a boy or a girl?”

“I’m a girl.”

“No you’re not, look at your hair.” He grabbed her hair like it was a monster “You’re not girl and you’re not a boy. You’re a freak.” And to that Stacy had nothing to say, she just stood there looking up at the boy, wanting to cry. And then, outta of nowhere, Jackson was falling face first on the sand and a little blond girl and a boy where standing behind him.

“Don’t talk to her like that.” The boy said.

“I’ll tell Mrs. Pastternon!”

“Go ahead.” The little blond dared and Jackson got up and ran. “Hey, you ok? I’m Erica and this is Scott.”

“Hi.” The boy, Scott, waved.

“Hum, Hi. I’m Stacy.”

Scott sat down next to her, grabbing some sand and starting to make a God knows what _thing_ “I really like your hair.”

“Me too.” Erica sat in front of them.

“Thanks.”

And that’s how Stacy made her first friends.

And believe me, she would need them.


	2. That's not my name

 

**_“Make yourself a priority once in a while. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.”_ **

_-Karen A. Barquiran._

 

 

“Who are you?” Stacy asked the little boy.

“He’s Cora’s brother.” Erica explained and the boy nodded. “Derek.”

“Oh. Nice to meet you, I’m Stacy.”

Derek just looked at her and Scott, turning his gaze back to his sister. He seemed a little older than, well, all of them. Cora smiled at him and went to play doll with Erica, Scott grabbed a ball and called Derek to play with him and so Stacy stood there in the middle. To be honest, she hated playing with dolls, her mom said it was fun and even tried to get her to play a few times. It was useless though. And so, after a few seconds thinking, she did what she wanted to do, she took her shoes off and ran towards Scott, stopping right in front of Derek.

“What are you doing?” Derek asked.

“I’m playing with you.”

“But you are a girl.” He seemed pretty confused, but Stacy just smiled, stealing the ball from his hands.

“I bet I’m still better than you.”

He smiled, fond and big “I really like your hair.”

“Thanks.”

“Guys, let’s go.” Scott yelled and so they started playing, the boys and Stacy running around, getting dirt all over them while the Erica and Cora sat over a towel, playing with some dolls.

Erica was fun, but she spent more time with Cora, her neighbor, than with Stacy. Scott was the one who was more around, to be honest. Cora’s brother came along sometimes, he would talk to her a lot, play video games and all. But it was mostly Scott, he and Stacy were always at each other houses, playing together at the park and stuff, even when the Stilinski’s went bowling or to the movies, Scott was always with them. His mom, Melissa, was a nurse in the only hospital in Beacon Hills, and so she was a very busy woman, raising a little boy on her own. However, whenever she got the time, she would call Claudia and take the kids out, usually they went to the park play nerf first, and them ice cream, because who doesn’t love ice cream?

She used to say “Hey now, I’m always dumping my little devil with you Claudia, at some point I’ll have to take yours with me too, don’t you think?” Because Jesus Christ, Stacy and Scott together? Oh. My. God. They would pretend to be hunters and go digging on the yard, making Claudia’s beautiful floor full with dirt, they would race in their bikes and fall down, blood all over them, they would stay up till four a.m. even if John had told them to just go to the _goddamn_ _bed_. And sure, John and Claudia were happy and glowing that their kid had friends and was having fun, but in their minds, that was not the kind of fun a girl should have, and that worried them. Because the more time Stacy spent with Scott and even Derek, more she would want to _be_ like them, and that wasn’t right because she was John’s little girl, not little boy. But Claudia would repeat and repeat like a plea that it would be just a phase, and so John did nothing.

Until now.

It was a Monday, Stacy had spent the night at the McCall’s, nothing new there. But then, at eleven a.m., John and Claudia received a call from the school and so did Melissa, Jessie – Erica’s mom – and Talia – Cora’s mom. And when they all got there, the scene was like a freaking movie, there was this blond kid and a brunette one with their noses bleeding, Erica and Cora looking mad as hell with their arms crossed over their chests and Scott hugging a crying Stacy. A Stacy that was wearing boy’s clothes.

Scott’s clothes _._

“What happened, honey?” Jessie asked getting down to be on the same level as her daughter.

“Jackson and Kyle were being mean to Stacy just ‘cuz of her clothes.”

“So when they started pushing her around we just defended her!” Cora continued, the little arms flying around like it was just the most natural thing for them to do.

“Stacy, what are you wearing?” Claudia asked her but she didn’t answered, just kept hiding her face on Scott’s shoulder.

“She said she liked my clothes more than hers, and so I gave this to her.” The little boy looked sad, like he’d done something wrong.

**.**

_“I don’t like this shirt.” Stacy was sitting on the floor, Scott over on the bed coloring some books._

_“So why do you wear them?”_

_“Because my mom buys them for me.”_

_“So tell her to buy the ones that you like.” Scott stopped and sat down, looking at his friend._

_“She says I can’t wear the ones I like because they are for boys. Like yours.”_

_Scott made a ‘hum’ sound and got up, tiny feet knocking on the woody floor as he ran to open his closet, searching for something while Stacy just stared “How about this ones?” He raised a black and green t-shirt and a pair of dark jeans._

_“I really like those.”_

_“Here, you can have them.”_

_Stacy’s eyes went wide open “Really?”_

_“Yeah. Hey, you should wear them to school tomorrow!”_

_“That would be so great!” She smiled wildly, hugging the clothes._

**.**

“Cora, what have I told you about beating people?”

“That is not a nice and polite thing to do, I know, but they’re being mean and you also say we’ve to be nice.” She paused “And they’re not nice.”

“That’s true.” Talia let it slip and the teacher gave her a very, very judgmental look.

At the end, the two boys, Erica and Cora were giving “two days to stay home and think about what they’ve done” and the teacher had approached John and Claudia to tell them she thought it was going to be better if Stacy saw a psychologist or something. “I can see she is having trouble, maybe you two should look for some help.” Were her exactly words.

But you see, we are all liars by nature. And when is about our kids, we rather see and believe in a lie than in the truth, because the truth?  The truth hurts like a bitch, it makes you think you went wrong as a parent at some point, but that’s not true **. It isn’t.** When someone tells you it would be better if your kid saw a psychologist, well, it’s not a nice thing to hear because it shatters the illusion we created to ourselves, the illusion that, if we just keep pretending it isn’t there, it’s going to go away at some point.

But life does not work quiet like that. We have to accept the fact that we are all humans and that, sometimes, we’ll need help.

And needing help is not wrong, ignoring that you need help, on the other hand, is.

Monroe’s office was nice, Stacy really liked it, although it was her first time there. She was wearing Scott’s clothes once more, sitting on a big red chair and just looking around with her big brown eyes. There’re stuffed animals and paintings, so nice she spent a good time just like that, moving around and picking stuff up just for moments later, putting them back down., returning to her chair. Monroe watched as she moved, smiling and asking silly questions like “Do you like that?” or “What animal is that one?”

“So, Stacy, I really like your hair.”

“You do?!” The little girl smiled.

“I do, why are you so surprised?”

“Because my mom and dad don’t like it. Dad says I look like a boy.” She looked down at her shoes.

“And does it bother you? That you look like a boy?”

Stacy didn’t even had to think about her answer “No, I like my hair this way much better.”

“I see, and does someone at your school thinks you look like a boy too?”

“Yeah, there is this boy, Jackson, and his friend and they don’t really like me. They call me a freak because they say I’m not a boy but I’m not a girl either.”

“That’s not nice.”

“No, but my friends Erica and Cora protect me. And Scott too.” Stacy grabbed a little cow and started to squeeze it while she talked.

“Are the clothes you’re wearing now from Scott?”

“Yes, I don’t really like my clothes. His are so much better, look.” She got up and ran “See? They are better. They _feel_ better and they feel… _right_.”

“Uhum, I see.” Monroe looked at her up and down “Tell me honey, do you like people to call you Stacy?”

She stopped, like Monroe had just reveled her darkest secret in the whole world.

“It’s okay, you can tell me. I’m not going to do anything to harm you.” The woman smiled, warm and truthful.

Stacy stayed in silence for moment, she walked back to the chair and sat, looking at Monroe like she was trying to discover if the woman was telling the truth, if she deserved to know her secret.

 “No.” voice low, almost a whisper.

“You don’t like it?”

“No.” she raised her head “I don’t think Stacy is a nice name for me.”

“Is Scott a nice name?”

“Yes, Scott is a very nice name. I like it.”

“Have you ever wanted people to call you some name else?”

“Yeah, actually, me and Scott one day grabbed a book that had all those names,” Her arms were flying around as she talked “And there was this one that I really liked it.”

“And you would want people to call you by that name?”

“Yes.”

“What’s the name?”

“It was on the boy’s names part of the book.” Her cheeks got flushed all of the sudden.

“Honey, if you like it, it doesn’t matter if it is a boy or girl’s name.”

The little girl stared at her for a moment.

“Stiles. I would like people to call me Stiles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post the next one, if all goes well, on next friday or saturday my babies.  
> Thank you so much for reading and all.  
> <3


	3. Be brave

**_“The world is never ready for changes, for someone who breaks its precious rules. You just gotta take the leap.”_ **

_-Gabriela de Oliveira (a.k.a, me.)_

“What? What the hell are you saying?!” John got up with such strength, the chair almost fell behind him “I don’t have to take this bullshit!”

“Mr. Stilinski, please calm down.” Monroe said calmly “Sit. We have to talk about this.”

“No, we don’t. You’re wrong.”

“John.” Claudia looked like a stone, body all tense and a lost look on her eyes, staring at nowhere and everywhere at the same time. “We need help.”

“Exactly,” Monroe uncrossed her legs, body coming forward “You need to know this is not your fault, lots of parents blame—“

“Not our fault? You shitting me?!”

“John, please John, let her talk.” Claudia was crying now, silent tears rolling down her cheeks.

“No. I’m not taking this, I’m not going to stay here and listing to her. Stacy is a girl, end of story.” He reached the doorknob and left, slamming the piece of wood on his way out.

Monroe give the woman sitting in front of her a few minutes, before speaking again. “Claudia, do you wanna go to the bathroom? Drink some water maybe?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m fine.”

“Ok. I know this is a hard thing to accept, but you can’t ignore it and you’ve got to know it isn’t your fault.”

“It isn’t? Are you sure? Maybe John was right, maybe we should have put her—“

“Him.” Monroe corrected softly.

Claudia swallowed audibly “ _Him_ , on a ballet class or something, he wanted to but I said no because sh- he, he didn’t like it but maybe…”

“No, if you two had forced something like that, you would have only made your child hate you. You did well.”

“What did you say we have to do?” Claudia asked after a moment, information sinking in slowly.

“First of all, you’ll have to go over the school and ask for all the teachers to treat him with the proper adjectives, treat him like boy. Also, try as hard as you can to not call him Stacy, he doesn’t like it.”

“Yeah, you said… He picked a new name?”

“Yes, Stiles.” Monroe stared at her with soft eyes. “Bring him here twice a week, because when puberty kicks in, that’s when the hard part for him will begging. He’ll need all the help he can get.”

“Ok, yeah, no problem.” Claudia grabbed some papers with all the information, eyes red from crying. “It’s hard, finding out your girl is not a girl.” She whispered.

“I know it is, but you’re doing great. Stiles is lucky to have you.”

“So, what else I should know?” She tried to smile.

But she failed.

Monroe told all she should know, she told her about the hormones Stiles would have to take when he got older, about the surgeries he might want to do and have and that that was one other important reason for Claudia to bring him twice a week, since this kind of surgery needs consent from a psychologist and it was all so freaking hard.

When you have a baby, you create lots of expectations based on the gender of said baby. When the doctor tells you it’s a girl, you picture her getting married, having babies, going to prom with a puffy, fluffy dress and all. It’s inevitable. It’s human nature. So yes, Claudia was having a hard time, she sat on the car and cried alone for God knows how long, sobbing and shaking. Of course she still loved her baby, Stacy or Stiles it was still her child and she would go thru hell to make her baby happy. You would think she was crying because “oh no, I wanted a girl so much.” But that’s not it, yes she was upset and it was a shock, but Claudia was crying because she knows how hard this is going to be for Stiles, how much he’s going to suffer, starting with his dad. Because the world isn’t ready for people like him, the world isn’t ready to changes like that. Society doesn’t accept differences as she claims to. 

But then again, when you’re born in a world where you doesn’t fit in, it’s because you were born to help creating a new world.

First thing Claudia did when she got home was to call Melissa, she explained everything and asked if Stiles could stay over.

“Of course Claudia, of course. If you need to talk, you know you can talk to me, right? This must be very hard for you.”

“I know, thank you Melissa. And yes, but John is having a harder time than I am.”

“I can imagine that, he always wanted a girl.”

“Yeah, he did.” Claudia closed her eyes, head falling between her hands.

And that’s how Stiles ended up using a batman pajamas Scott lent him, lying on the mattress on his floor, lights weak. Melissa walked in, kissing both of the boys’ noses. “Good night sweethearts, don’t stay up late, alright?”

“Ok.” They answered. “Mel, are my mom and dad mad at me? Are they fighting?” Stiles asked when she was almost out of the room, making her stop and turn around to face him, smiling.

“No honey, they are not mad at you. They love you, they just needed to talk grown up stuff. Ok?”

“Ok. Good night Mel.”

“Good night Stiles.” Melissa smiled to herself as she walked out of the room, turning the lights completely off and closing the door, the room falling into the dark.

“So, you are a boy now?” Scott asked curiously.

 “I think I was never really a girl.” Stiles was playing with his blanket “I always liked your clothes better, your hair.” He stopped “Do you still want to be friends with me?”

“Of course!” Scott smiled “I like your new name, Stiles.” He laughed a bit.

“I like it too.”

After a while Stiles said in a very low tone “I don’t think my parents are happy.”

“They are your parents, they love you no matter what. It’ll be okay.”

“Thank you Scott.”

“You’re welcome. Stiles.” They smiled at each other, falling asleep seconds later.

**.**

“You’re agreeing with this madness?!” John yelled on Claudia’s face.

“There is nothing to agree with! We have to accept it, he’s still our son!”

“Are you listing to yourself? He? Son?”

She stepped forward, looking her husband directly in the eyes “Stiles will need his parents John, the world is already cruel enough. He needs us, you should talk to Doctor Monroe, I know it’s hard but we have to accept it and do our best.”

John fiercely denied, face all red. “Her name is Stacy.” He grabbed his coat “I’m going to work.”

“John, please don’t—“ And he was gone, door slamming.

Claudia sighed, heart hurting on her chest, eyes burning once more because this, this over here? It’s going to be freaking hard.

But then again, nobody said it would be easy.

However, they all said it would be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little earlier than I said, but it's ok haha  
> I'm so glad you are all liking this, really, I can't express how glad this makes me.  
> I have to study, so the next will take like a week or two maybe to come out?  
> Kisses and hugs everyone <3


	4. Don’t take anyone’s shit

**_“One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.”_ **

_-Unknown_

The bedroom wasn’t pink anymore, now it was green. The clothes were all given away to give room to all _new_ clothes, clothes Stiles had chosen himself. Claudia was doing her very best to change, but one time or another she would let a “Stacy” slip here or there. She took him and Scott to the movies, she had notified the school board, she was trying in the best way she could to adapt, and after a few months she realized it wasn’t that hard, it was pretty simple actually. We can’t say the same thing about John. He was working nonstop, never staying at home, drinking; he barely looked Stiles in the eyes anymore, and for a kid, that hurts like hell. Claudia was now being a mom and a dad and Stiles could noticed that, he always asked when daddy would stay home, when would he play with him and lying to her baby hurts, but it was still better than the truth.

Beacon Hills was a small town, and so everybody knew about the “girl that became a boy”. Opinions were everywhere. There’re the old ladies who thought Claudia didn’t raise the kid right, the men who said what was missing was some slaps, the women who would gossip behind Claudia’s back, saying shit like “Things like that doesn’t exist.” Or “Boy in the wrong body? Bullshit!” And so, the kids of said men and women were the ones making fun and hurting Stiles at school, because children don’t have prejudice, they are _taught_ to have prejudice by their parents. But Stiles was not alone, Erica, her mom, Scott and his mom and all the Hale family supported and loved him.

Puberty kicked in and that’s when shit went down. Starting high school was already hard for the others kids, now imagine starting high school on a body you hate, feeling uncomfortable all the freaking time on your own skin. Doesn’t sound very nice, does it? Stiles woke up that Monday and guess what? His father hadn’t even spent the night home, Claudia was on the kitchen, he could hear her singing while flipping a pancake maybe. He put on some jeans and stayed shirtless in front of the mirror. He had boobs. Fucking boobs, and god he hated those things. They were not big, since he had started taking hormones and all, but Monroe had warned him that there was a chance the boobs were going to grow even if just a bit. At least his voice wasn’t girly anymore, although he did have a few pimples. But despite that, the hormones did him good, he even had a little Adam's apple, body hair, and Claudia promise that with some sports and maybe gym, he would have a Calvin Klein model’s body in no time. So he just put on this tight sports bra, squeeze those suckers to try to hide them the best way he could without hurting himself. It was good enough for now.

“Good morning, mom.” He kissed her cheek and grabbed a pancake.

“Stiles, use a plate and a fork.” She smiled “And good morning to you too.”

“But if I don’t use my hands, then it’s no fun.” Claudia almost growled at him, making he laugh. “Hey, where’s dad?”

“Hum, your father…He” she almost spill her juice while sitting down, not knowing what to say “He just—“

“It’s ok mom.” Stiles smiled at her, shy and small.

“He is trying honey, I know he is. You just gotta give him a little more time ok? I promise you he is trying. Trust me on this.”

“I trust you. I’ll always trust you.” Stiles looked at her, eyes a little sad.

“So,” she broke the silence after a few bites “Are you taking the bus?”

“No, Cora’s brother came back from…I don’t know where to finish high school here. He’s two years older so he’s taking us.”

“Us? Like in all of you?”

“Yeah, you know, me, Scott and Erica.”

“Jesus, poor guy.” Claudia laughed at the face her kid just pulled off “So, what’s his name?”

“Derek, I guess.”

“Oh I remember him! He used to play with you and Scott when you were little.”

“Really?”

“Well, he didn’t play that often, but yeah, sometimes.” Claudia shoved a pancake into her mouth “He was nice.”

“Such a lady.” He laughed. “What happened to him? I remember so little of him.”

“Problems darling, problems.”

He heard a car pulling over and so he dropped the subject, grabbed his bag and kissed his mom goodbye, running to the front door just to see Cora sticking her head out of the window, smiling “Get your ass in here, you loser!”

Stiles smiled wildly and opened the door, pushing Erica away “Move over, you’re not that big.” He said almost sitting on her lap.

“Bite me.” Erica pulled him into a bear hug “God, I missed your stupid face. And you look good with the longer hair.”

“Well, thank you.”

“Hey, no one missed me?” Scott yelled from somewhere

“I missed you too buddy.” Stiles went hugging Scott but Erica was in the middle, laughing.

“Stop that in my car.” Cora took a picture of them all.

“Actually, is my car.”

And _that_ is Derek. 

“Don’t kill my vibe, bro.” Cora smiled when he rolled his eyes.

“Yes Derek, don’t be all broody and moody. It’s a beautiful day” Erica grinned evilly. “Isn’t it Stiles?”

What? “Yes it is Erica, my love.” He smiled when she laughed, but on the minute later he caught Derek staring at him thru the rearview mirror, those green eyes focusing on him so intensely it made him blush in spite of himself. So he turned his gaze away and continue talking to Scott.

You know when people say high school is _soooo_ different from middle school? That is nicer and funnier and just great? Well, that’s just a bunch of crap. High school is just like middle school, only now we’re older. And because Beacon Hills was as big as an olive, when Stiles and his friends walked into the hallway everybody looked at them and Stiles knew he was the reason why. Ok, not everybody looked – thank god- since there were the nice kids who didn’t care what the fuck Stiles was.

“Is Laura coming back from college this weekend?” Erica asked.

Oh Jesus, Laura is the best person in the whole world! Seriously, she was like Cora, only older and she would dance around with Stiles and eat junk food with him. She was just the best and when she left for college, Stiles remembered being sad, but Laura promised he would always be her number one and she was coming back now for the weekend, which was freaking awesome!  

“Yes.”

“Stiles,” Scott called him “Look.”

“What?”

“Over there.” He turned his gaze away from the girls to see a beautiful brunette, long hair curly on the edges. “Look at her.” Scott was drooling, almost.

“I think she’s new in town. Go say hi.”

“What? I can’t do that!”

“Why not?” Scott cheeks flushed and he looked at his shoes. Stiles rolled his eyes. “Come on.”

“No, Stiles wait—“

“Hello, I’m Stiles and this is Scott.” The girl looked at them both, eyes wide but a smile on the lips.

“Hi, I’m Allison. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too. Are you new in town?” Stiles asked because Scott seemed to be having a stroke.

“Yes, my parents and I just moved from California.”

“That’s so cool.” Wow, Scott’s first words people.

“Yeah, it is.” She played with her hair, shyly.

“Ok, I’m guessing you don’t know the place?” She shook her head no “Alright, so Scott here is going to help you. How does that sound?” Scott punched him on the ribs but Allison just laughed.

 “It sounds great.”

Stiles was walking to his first class, very happy with himself because he was the best friend of all freaking time and Scott would owe him forever, when Erica’s arms rested on his shoulders as she walked with him. “Hey, you going home with us? We’re taking the bus.”

“No, I’m gonna try the lacrosse team.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Hum. Derek loves lacrosse.”

“That’s… Nice?”

Erica just smiled. “Yes it is.”

The fact that the coach didn’t give a shit if you’re a boy or girl as long as you play well was, in a way, oddly comfortable for Stiles. You know what’s not so comfortable? The gauze strips around his chest, Jesus that crap was hot and giving him a few burnings, he can feel it! But all in all, Stiles was very good, coach even said he could be on the team if he tried a little harder.

It was the end of practice, his helmet was off and he was walking to sit on a bench when someone hit him some freaking hard, Stiles fell down and was able to actually _hear_ his ribs gritting under his skin. The air coming out of his lungs in short puffs and he automatically put a hand over his side, eyes shut, teeth bitting at his lower lip to contain a little scream. When he finally managed the strenght to push the pain aside, he was able to hear a laugh coming from above. He rolled over, opening his eyes, and guess who was there?

That’s right, the jackass.

“Hey freak, you’re in the wrong place here, the cheerleaders stay over there.”

And that was it. His father is no longer talking to him, his mom was target of transphobic comments at the stores and Stiles was just sick of this stupid bullshit. “Talk to me like that again,” he got up “And I’ll break your fucking nose, Jackson.”

“Nice talk for a dude without any balls.” He got closer to Stiles’ face “I think that, what you really need, is just a good dick.”

Stiles pushed him with all he’s got when coach came running and blowing his whistle “Hey, hey! Stop that you two or neither of you are making the team!” he stood between them. “Go hit the showers, now.”

Jackson left with blood in his eyes while Stiles walked over to the benches, sitting and drinking some water, feeling his face all red and hot from the argue plus the lacrosse. He waited there, sitting alone, until the last dude had left the showers because he was not going to change in front of any one of them. Till now, Jackson was the only one who bullied him out loud, but Stiles knew some other guys weren’t a big fan of him and as his mom says “Better safe than sorry.”

He came in and put the bag on a locker, leaving it open. The shirt came off and when he those strips left his chest, oh edmy god it was like heaven on earth. He stopped in front of the mirror, his skin was a little irritated and red, itchy, and with little burns, but nothing some cod water wouldn’t solve at least untill he gets home. The towel was hanging right under his armpit when he walked out of the shower, dancing and blabbing a little as _shut up and dance with me_ played on his iPod over the  sink. And then, the music stopped. Stiles tilted his head and went to see what happened wearing his boxers and the towel.

“You’re in the wrong locker.” Jackson was holding his iPod.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I came here to give you what you need, you bitch.” He stepped forward. “You think you can push me and talk to me like that in front of the team?” He was very close now.

“Jackson, I really think you should leave.”

“I disagree.” Jackson pulled his towel “Look, our little girl already has boobs!”

Screw all this shit. Stiles jumped on him and knocked him over, fist hitting Jackson’s nose one, two, three times in a row. Jackson seemed to be a little lost at first, just shocked, but them he react and hit Stiles’ mouth, making a cut, but that didn’t stop him, Stiles just kept beating him because he was so sick of this shit! He never felt right as a kid, and then, when he gets older and is finally liking himself, feeling right for once, people come and keep saying _he is wrong_.  He was not taking it anymore. His hand was all bloody when Jackson managed to push him off, getting up and shoving Stiles against a wall, his back hurting with the impact. “I don’t hit girls.” He cough some blood, arm holding Stiles still, a hand coming on his throat, squeezing hard and making Stiles short of breath.

“That’s a shame.” Stiles kicked his balls and Jackson fell down like a fucking apple.

He was cursing on the floor when Derek came in, eyes darting between him and Stiles’ naked torso, his chest going up and down fast.

“Get up and leave before I change my mind and let he beat the shit out of you.” Derek _“helped”_ Jackson get up and pushed him out of the door, but he didn’t turned around, he kept his body facing the door. “I’ll wait outside.”

Stiles put on the sports bra again, his chest was hurting a little, but nothing major. When he got home he could take it off and be free, besides, sports bra? Way better then when he wrapped gauze around his chest, less paind and redness so, yay. His lower lips was still open, but the blood wasn’t coming out anymore, which he assumed it’s a good thing. He packed his stuff, grabbed his bag and got out.

 Derek was waiting.

“Thought you might need a ride.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want go to the hospital?” They were both walking towards the parking lot.

“No, if I show up there Melissa is going to flip.”

“Scott’s mom?”

“Yeah. How do you know that?”

“She comes home to talk to my mom sometimes.”

“That’s your car?” Stiles was staring at the black Camaro like he’s hoping for the thing to create wings and just fly away.

Derek smiled “Yes.”

When they parked in front of the Stilinski’s house, Stiles reached for the door but stopped halfway thru it. He felt like he needed to thank Derek, because yeah he’d handled Jackson pretty well for a few minutes, but he’s sure that if Derek hadn’t showed up, he was going to have the but kick of a life time. “Hum, thank you for appearing there today and for, you know, helping me instead of kicking my ass.”

“I would never do that.” Derek said seriously, eyes focusing on him “And you don’t have to thank me, I should have got in there sooner.” His eyes went down to stare at Stiles’ swollen lip.

Stiles smiled, not noticing the way Derek looked at him “Don’t blame yourself, I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now. It was just a matter of time.”

“I should have let you tear him apart.” They laughed together.

“Thank you Derek, for the ride.” Stiles finally got out of the car and bend over to wave over the window “See you around.”

“See you around, Stiles.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, you are the most amazing people ever, seriously <3  
> If I could, I would hug all of you because oh my god, I was so insicure when I post this, but you all liked and comment and just, I feel so happy!  
> Thank you all for reading and being so fucking cute <3


	5. Sexuality

**_“Never apologize for burning too brightly or collapsing into yourself every night. That’s how galaxies are made.”_ **

_-Unknown_

A thing people hardly ever understand is when they see a transsexual girl dating another girl. They ask: “If you like girls, why didn’t you just stay a boy then?” Because what most people don’t get, is that being transsexual has nothing to do with liking boys or girls or cats or whatever. It has to do only with _you_ , with you not feeling right with your body, with your gender. Not your sexual preferences. Those are two different things.

Stiles opened the front door and his mom and dad were sitting on the table, talking. They both stopped to look at him, he just closed his eyes and let the air all in a loudly, shutting the door with his head down because if it wasn’t going to be easy with his mom, imagine showing to his dad his cut and little bruises.

“Stiles honey, you feeling alright? You look a little green.” Claudia standing up as soon as he turned around “Oh my god, what happened to you?”

But before Stiles could answer her John got up, face all red, and started walking in his direction. Stiles just closes his eyes because he is so tired, his day had been so full and confused and shitty, he was just going to take whatever his dad had in mind. He felt the cold fingers grabbing his jaw, making his head gently go up and slightly to the right. “Who did this to you?” John asked in a low tone.

“A guy from the lacrosse team.” His father let him loose, staring at him “I may or may not have broken his nose and…some other stuff.”

“What did he do?”

“He called me a bitch and said what I need is… Hum, let’s just say he wasn’t being very nice?” He tried to hide it but by John’s face, the man had already figured it out.

“What’s his name?”

“Dad, it’s nothing. I’m good.”

“You’re not good, and you cannot say this is nothing, Stacy!”

And time stopped, Stiles just kept looking at his dad while Claudia stayed in the back, waiting for something even she didn’t know what was. It took John several seconds to realize what he’d said wrong, but when he did, what he said next knock his kid out of his feet. “Stiles, I’m sorry, sorry.” And he really meant it. “I’m not really used to it yet.”

“No, hum, it’s okay dad.”

“I’ve been seeing Doctor Monroe too, for a while now.”

“Oh?” And Stiles doesn’t know why he’s surprised, he sees her two times a week but of course she wasn’t going to say anything about his dad. She couldn’t.

“Yeah, your mom talked to me and made me realize how wrong and unfair I was being with you.” He closed his eyes and sighed loud “I just…I hope you and her can forgive me one day?”

Stiles looked at his mom who just ran till them, pulling all into a bear hug, tears on her pink cheeks “Of course we can forgive you dad.” Stiles hugged him back.

“Although, I think I may need a chocolate cake to totally forgive you.” Claudia smiled and John just laughed, pulling his family close.

“I think that can be arranged.”

Family is family, you can say you can live without it, but you can’t. Family is an important part of who we are, you believing in this or not, it’s true. They are supposed to support and love you no matter what, and when things don’t work like that, you can pretend you don’t care, but in reality, you do. And a lot. Sometimes it take time for us to open our eyes, to see what’s in front of us and face reality, face life the way we should because the dream? The dream is more comfortable than reality, the dream is what we want the world to be, it has no mistakes. In dreams, we never take chances or make mistakes because it all goes according to the plan. When I say it like that, it’s seems nice, but can you imagine never being wrong? Never trying and failing and learning? Wouldn’t it be boring being always right?

Don’t forget what Benjamin Franklin once said “That knowing, is better than wondering. **That waking, is better than sleeping**. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying.”

 

*****

“When can I take this things off?” Stiles asked when he first drop on the chair, Monroe smiling at him.

“Well, you’re only fifteen. But since we have been treating you for years now…” She stopped “I’ll see what I can do, but we have to talk to your mom and Dad first. If it all goes well, maybe by the end of the year, when you are sixteen.”

“God Monroe, please! They hurt when I run.” Stiles laughed of himself. “But I think I can handle till the end of the year.”

“I said maybe, I’m not promising anything.”

“I have faith in you, woman.” Now was her turn to laugh.

"You said they hurt when you run?" She looks over her notes.

"Yes, I've been using a sports bra mom got me, but these fucker still bounce."

She laughed "Yeah, I know. But remember, you can't stay with the bra 24/7, you have to take it off for at least a couple of hours a day." she said "And, no slepping with it, promise?"

He sighned with a small smile "I promise." 

Monroe smiled “Alright then. Now, why don’t you tell me about that cut over there.” She pointed to Stiles’ lips with her pencil.

“A guy at school called be me bitch and said that what I needed was a dick and so when he broke into the locker room I lost it and beat him. Don’t make that face, it ended well. Derek appeared and took me home and all.”

“Derek?”

“Oh yeah, Cora’s brother. Very nice. He came back from… I don’t really know where, to finish high school here. He is two years older.”

“Do you like him?”

“I don’t know, I talked to him once. He is very pretty though.” He paused “He seems nice.”

Monroe’s eyebrow arched up “I see.”

“What?”

“Nothing. So, how things went with your dad?”

When he got home he had a ton of stuff to study, so he can’t be blamed if it was eleven p.m. and he was drooling all over his biology books, still wearing the clothes he put on to go see Monroe. He woke up long enough to push his notebooks aside, and when he was about to lie down, Cora called him.

“Hey looser, you awake?”

“I am now.”

“Such a baby. I called to tell you we’ll have a party on Friday and you’re staying over here so we can spend the whole Saturday with Laura.”

“And you couldn’t wait till tomorrow?!” 

“Hey, don’t you use that tone with me, I’m being a good friend, giving you time to think about your outfit.”

“Cora, I’m going to pee on your fucking carpet.”

She laughed “I love you too buddy.”

“Hum, did your brother tell you anything?”

“No, he didn’t say anything. Why? Something happened?” And Stiles could hear her brow frowning.

“No, nothing. Bye bye now.”

“Stiles—“

He hang up, and he sure as hell is going to pay for that later.

 He knew he had to take a shower, but his bed was so comfortable… So he decided to take just a little nap, just a little quick one. His phone vibrating a couple of minutes later was what got him out his vegetative state. It was a message, but as his eyes were all swollen and puffy and red, he couldn’t quiet read from whom it was. So Stiles got up, went into the bathroom and washed his face.

 Much better.

_You good? It's Derek._

Stiles is sure he made a weird sound when he read it.

_Stiles: Yeah, I’m alright. How did you get my number?_

_Derek: Cora._

_Stiles: Ok…_

_Derek: Just wanted to make sure you’re alright._

That’s oddly sweet.

_Stiles: Thanks man, I appreciate it. And you, how you doing?_

_Derek: Good._

_Stiles: Thank you, for not telling anything to Cora._

_Derek: You’re welcome. I know my sister pretty well._

He laughed alone, because yeah, Cora sometimes can be very hard to take.

_Stiles: Hey, can I ask you a question?_

_Derek: You can ask, not sure I’ll answer it._

_Stiles: Ha ha ha, mister funny pants --‘_

_Stiles: Where were you? Like, you were here when you’re little and my mom says we even used to play together, although I remember very littler. Then you disappeared and now you’re back. Where did you go?”_

And when ten minutes had gone by without any answer, Stiles came to the conclusion he had overstepped his boundaries and went to take a shower. Derek was a nice dude, tall, broody and pretty. Very hot. You see, Stiles never stopped to think about whether he liked boys or girls, in fact, Stiles had never even falling in love or kissed anyone yet. His mom always tells him that this things, love and passion, they come when they have to come, and they don’t have preferences. So Stiles never worried about this, if he was straight or gay or bi. He knew when he liked someone, that was kind of _it_. Liking someone doesn’t give much room for questions, does it?

He doesn’t like Derek, not yet anyway, but there is something about him. The way he doesn’t care if Stiles is a boy or a girl, the way he defended him from Jackson, the way his eyes shine looking at the same time both so sad and also so full of curiosity and life. He was the one person, besides his friends and family, that didn’t look at Stiles with judge in his eyes. He looked at Stiles…differently, with something he can’t quite figure it out yet.

Luckily, Stiles always loved mysteries.

_Derek: I have depression. When I turned fourteen I got really depressed, had my first… Episode, and so my parents thought it would be better if I went to live with my grandma for a while. New people, new place._

_Derek: I’m feeling better, so I came back. Got homesick._

Stiles read it a thousand times because he is pretty sure he’s the one of few people who knows this. Kids with depression are not very common, and he knows that’s probably not the whole story, that Derek probably did other stuff besides getting depressed, maybe cut himself, maybe other things, but it doesn’t matter. He told Stiles like it was the simplest thing in the world, like he trusts Stiles won’t judge him.

_Stiles: I’m glad you’re back._

_Derek: Me too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a friend with depressipn since he was little, I looked up and it's not a common thing, but it can happen. Another thing, I looked up about breast removing and all and it doesn't really have an age to do it, it depends on lots of things. Or at least that's what i understood haha. But if you are curious you can always search yourself and then tell me about it if you want to o/ Hahaha' 
> 
> And hey, thank you all again for being so kind and cute. You make my days better haha <3  
> I'm going to have some pretty hardcore exams, so it may take a little time for the next chapter to come out, maybe two weeks or three.  
> Kisses and hugs everybody :*


	6. You built a fire in me.

**_“Do not chase people. Be you and do your own thing and work hard. The right people, the ones who belong in your life, they will come to you and, more important, they will stay.”_ **

_-Unknown_

 

“Dad, is just a party.” Stiles grabs a banana “Plus, Cora is like family!”

“Honey, let him have a little fun.” Claudia smiled kissing John’s suspicious face. “It’s just a party.”

“If I receive any calls on the station because of this party, you’re gonna be grounded for a month.” He takes a sip of coffee “And why are you staying over there again?”

“Laura is coming back today.”

“Laura is coming back? Oh my god I’ve missed her so much!” His mom gives him fifty bucks “Buy her some flowers or a shirt or something nice and tell her is from me” she narrowed her eyes “Not you.”

Stiles laughs grabbing the money, kissing Claudia “You won’t be there to stop me from lying, will you?”

“Stilinski!” He hears his dad saying between a laugh, Claudia slapping his arm softly.

“Just kidding mom!” Derek’s calling him, which means he is already waiting outside “Gotta go to school, love you guys.”

“Bye honey.”

“Be safe and stay out of trouble!”

“You gotta it, dad!”

As Stiles got closer, he noticed there was only one person in the car. He throws himself on the front seat “Where is everyone?”

“Cora and Erica are buying clothes and Scott is with—“

“Allison.” Stiles cuts him off, smiling “I’m so glad they’re together.”

Since the first time on Monday, when Derek and he talked, they hadn’t really _stopped_ talking. They texted each other telling silly stuff or complaining about people and situations, like on Wednesday when a girl sat on Stiles sit and he got so completely lost and he wanted to punch her face. Derek laughed and calmed him down and they ended up eating with Cora and Erica outside, sitting on the grass. Or yesterday, when Cora drove Derek so insane, Stiles had to call him so Derek wouldn’t kill his sister. It felt like they had known each other for months, and it had only been a few days. It felt nice.  They park the car and go into the hallways, Jackson and two of his friends staring at Stiles like they did every day since the little incident on the locker room. When Stiles stops by his locker, there is a piece of paper with some words of hate and a draw of him in panties and a bra and honestly? At first it bothered him and he would cry alone sitting in the shower for hours until the day his mom caught him. Claudia asked what was wrong and when Stiles finally cave, she smiled kissing his forehead. “You can’t let it get to you, honey” she said “People are always mean to what they don’t understand. Look at me” Claudia lift his chin, drying a tear “You are not a freak and you’re not an _it_ , you are you! Stiles, a beautiful boy who, one day, will be an amazing man. You have to believe that, and once you do, screw what the others think. You have to know who you are, love who you are and the rest, it will come together. You’ll see.” She hugged him for what felt like hours.

Since that day, Stiles had never cried for this kind of thing again because now? Now he doesn’t give a shit. Because he _knows_ who he is and he loves himself too much to care. He is so much more than a stupid draw that, by the way, does not even look like him at all.

“Who did this?!” Derek was at his side, jaw clenched.

“Don’t know, don’t care.” He snapped the door shut “Probably Jackson.”

“Aren’t you mad? Or sad?”

Stiles smiles looking into Derek’s eyes “No, not anymore.”

“Why?” Both stop in front of Stiles’ classroom.

“Because my mom taught me that **I** have to be okay with myself, and if that’s already done, then fuck what the others think.” He grinned “Besides, soon enough I’ll be on UCLA and far away from here.”

Derek kept looking as Stiles got inside, turning around a couple of minutes later, smiling to himself as he walks down to his own class.

**_*_ **

_Derek: You c’ming to the party tonight?_

_Stiles: Yep, I’m even staying over._

_Derek: Ok, so I see you later?_

_Stiles: Of course man. :D_

He puts the phone down, smiling to the walls, and goes grabbing some nice clothes. Stiles is shirtless in front of the mirror, staring with pain at the bra laying over the bed. He hates it, Stiles hates with a burning passion bras, he hates a piece of clothe. He is still looking at the thing, sad and not wanting to put it on, when Claudia's hand touches his shoulder and Stiles can see her smiling thru the mirror "I didn't know you had those." she says softly.

" I read online that they could... hum, help." he says "I bought two with Cora."

"I know now, found one in back of the washing machine yesterday morning." she flips him so they're face to face "Why didn't you tell me? 'Cause you've been washing them all wrong." she laughs.

"I... I was embarresed." he sighs. "Sorry."

Claudia makes a humming sound, getting out of the room only to get back in seconds later, holding a big brown bag. Stiles turns around and opens it up, finding four more sports bra inside of it, two blacks and two in his skin tone "I talked to Monroe yesterday and I know that you don't like having boobs and having to wear this, and I promise you we'll do everything we can to fix that as soon as possible okay? But now that you are trying out for the Lacross team, you'll need more bras and," she smirks "You will also need to wash them correctly so you don't smell, ok? " Stiles laughs, and nods. she comes and hugs him "And you can always talk to me, honey, because I am here and I promise you, I'm not going anywhere." she kisses his temple.

"Mom I... I don't even know what to say, thank you so much." Stiles says and smiles "I just... I just felt so embaressed and I didn't know how to talk to you about it so I just asked Cora and hoped for the best."

"Honey," she grabs one of the black bras "You're not alone and you'll never be alone because I'm always going to be with you no matter what." She helps him put it on.

“Thanks mom,  thank you so much."  He pulls her into a tight hug, pulling away seconds later, smiling, and going for his shirt.

“You’re don't have to thank me. And you’re looking good.”

“Thanks, Erica choose this shirt for me, actually.” He grins softly.

“So, is Derek going to be there?”

“Yep. Why?”

“No, I was just curious.” Claudia sits on the bed. “You’ve talked to him, and about him, a lot lately.”

He feels his face getting hot “He is nice.”

“I see.”

Stiles is ready, he sits on the bed by his mom’s side and sighs, eyes closed. “I think I like him. I don’t know yet, it’s been just a few days but… I think so? I don’t know.” She fakes surprise “Cut it out, I know you knew!”

Claudia laughs, hugging him “Honey, you came out of this belly over here. Of course I knew it.” She kisses him. “Your dad likes him too.”

Stiles arches an eyebrow “Really?”

“Ok, so maybe he is not _that_ fond of the idea of –“

“A transsexual gay son.”

Claudia laughs it off “Yeah, but he loves you. If that’s what you want, he’ll come around.” She kisses his forehead. “Besides, you’ll always have me.”

“And I love you for that mom, really.” Stiles hugs her againg as tight as possible, kissing her pink cheek “But the thing is, I don’t know if that’s what I want. I don’t even know if he likes me mom, I don’t even know if he is gay!”

“Something tells me you’ll have your answers soon enough.” She smiles getting up “Now c’mon, a little late is cute. A lot late is impolite.”

*****

His mom promised not to tell his father about the teenagers with the beers on the Hale’s yard, she just laughed and left. The house is fucking full, the music loud but it’s not like the Hale’s have a lot of neighbors to complain about it, so really, who cares? Stiles gets inside and there’re bodies grinding against one another, drunk people singing and dancing. At one corner he saw Scott and he was going to say hi when Allison showed up and pushed Scott against a wall, kissing him breathless and so Stiles decided that _nha_ , Scott was fine without him. He was getting a drink when someone put their hands over his eyes and when he turns around…

“Laura!” Stiles jumped on her “Oh my God, you’re so hot!”

“You too, looking sexy Stilinski!” she kisses his cheek.

“Thank you very much.”

“Erica and Cora are dancing, let’s go.”

“Wait, what about Derek?”

“He’s somewhere.” Laura dragged him to the living room “You see him every fucking day, you’re dancing with me now!” Stiles laughs and agrees because well, what else would he do?”

Four songs and five beers later Stiles is so hot and sweaty he would kill for a shower. And when Laura goes to hook up with some blond chick while Erica grinds on a dude’s lap and Cora goes to God’s knows where with God’s know who, Stiles decides to look for Derek because, one, he misses Derek, and two, he does not want to be alone in the middle of a party. He goes upstairs singing alone and starts walking around, he isn’t drunk to the point of talking like Yoda, just a little happy, and so he can still identify the rooms with no problems. Derek’s room had the door open, so he gets in without even knocking. There’s a figure sitting by the window, a bottle of what seems to be tequila by its side, the moonlight making the room not so dark as it should be.

“Derek?” Stiles touch his shoulder.

“Hey, you came!”

“Yeah, I was looking for you when Laura dragged me to dance.” Stiles sits down next to him “Why are you here alone?”

“I’m not a big fan of places with lots of people.” He turns his head, eyes analyzing Stiles as the boy looks at the sky “You look good.”

“Thanks man.” Stiles finally returns his gaze “You look great too. I was dancing with Laura but then she stuck her tongue down some girl’s throat and I came here. I’m sweaty.”

Derek laughs, low and happy “You’re a little drunk, aren’t you?”

“Maybe. I feel fine though.”

“I bet you do.”

They stay in silence for a long time, the party long forgotten as they admire the bright night sky, closing their eyes from time to time. It feels so good having Derek by his side, the warm his body exude makes Stiles a little dizzy, his perfume is fucking everywhere. It feels nice though, kind of a home like smell.

“You don’t drink?” Stiles asks pointing to the full bottle.

“Not anymore.”

“Hum.” He stays staring at Derek’s face, his eyes so big and bright, a kaleidoscope of colors. He is such a puzzle, answering but not really answering the questions.

“What?” he asked “Are you going to throw up on me?”

“No!” Stiles laughs and playfully pushes him “It’s just… you look so beautiful tonight, Derek."

Okay, so maybe Stiles is indeed a little drunk. 

Derek ducks his head, smiling shyly “You _are_ beautiful Stiles.”

“You really think so?”

Derek comes closer, nose bumping with Stiles’, making him close his eyes “I know so.”

“My mom was right.” Were Stiles last words before he can feel Derek’s lips brushing against his, soft and shy, like he’s asking if he can go on, like he is waiting for Stiles approval, waiting to see if he also wants this as much as he, apparently. Stiles raises one hand and grabs the front of his shirt, pulling Derek closer and smashing their mouths together for real this time because yeah, he wants this.

Maybe it’s the alcohol, but Stiles isn’t feeling as nervous as he thought he would on his first kiss. The tip of Derek’s tongue runs over his lips, wet and hot, asking to go further and Stiles wouldn’t deny that. He feels the long, strong fingers gripping at his thighs, pulling him closer until he is almost sitting on Derek’s lap and the moan slips out without his permeation, the manhandling being too good, making his stomach do backflips. Derek’s warm fingers digging on his neck send a course of cold pleasure down his spine, the blunt nails on his shoulders, just a shy of painful while the hot tongue moves against his own. The bite on his lower lip when Stiles drags his hand over Derek’s soft hair makes him shiver, one of Derek’s hands reaching Stiles’ lower back almost immediately, pulling him impossibly closer as the other runs up and down his tight, Derek dragging his teeth over the pale skin of Stiles’ neck, licking over the bite marks he made, making Stiles whimper and shiver under his touch. It’s so good, the feeling that Derek needs him like that, the sensation of his lips, so warm and careful, living hot marks all over him.  Stiles scratches Derek’s nape, making he stop the kisses on his neck only so they could lick into each other’s mouth once more, Stiles feeling his body wanting to move forward, wanting to sit and grind against Derek.

But when Derek’s fingers goes down on his back, under his shirt and digging into his muscle, he tenses up, remembering about his bra, fear rushing in all at once and suddenly he’s aware, _too aware_ , of what he’s doing and with whom he’s doing it with. And Derek seems to notice that because he pulls back and smiles softly, hair a mess and mouth swollen, a hand on Stiles’ jaw, thumb stroking it “I’m glad you let me to that.”

“I’m glad you did it.” Stiles whispers “I’m sorry, it’s just—“

“It’s ok.” He pecks at Stiles’ lips “You don’t have to explain yourself. We can talk about this later.”

He smiles, still a little blissed out “Good. Hey, was I any good? This was my first kiss, like, ever!” His head is starting to hurt a bit.

Derek laughs, pulling Stiles on his chest, arms around him. “Yeah, you’re pretty damn good.”

Stiles hums something before closing his eyes, the music far away now, body falling into Derek’s, both resting in the little bench near the window.

“Good night Stiles.”

“Night Derek.”

*****

Oh God, someone turn off the sun, please. Stiles wakes up in a bed, which is very nice, he looks around and is faced with Derek’s back going up and down slowly. He smiles to himself, sleepily. His head hurt a little, but nothing deadly, Derek turns around, eyes puffy and filled with sleep and that’s a look that shouldn’t suit anyone but, strangely, Derek looks damn fine with it. He smiles, warm and big, hand coming to cup Stiles’ face.

“Good morning.”

“Morning.”

“What are you two doing?” Erica appears by the door wearing only a shirt, smiling devilish towards them. “I see you had some fun.”

“Holy fuck, Erica!” Stiles laughs throwing a pillow at her, Derek hiding his face on the bed. “Why didn’t you knock?”

“Because it’s no fun to knock.” She turns around “Cora, Derek finally created some balls and asked Stiles out!” She yelled and from somewhere downstairs there’s a response “Thank God! Laura, did you hear?!” Cora’s voice is as sleepy and loud as possible.

“If he hadn’t, I would have. Stiles is looking good!” And they all laugh.

Stiles is still trapped around the words. Finally? Like what? He had known Derek for a week or two people, that’s not enough time for the use of the term _finally_. “Hum, actually, he didn’t ask me out. Yet.” Stiles looks at him, his face red under his stubble.

“Erica, can you please go?!”

“Fine, mister grumpy pants, I’m leaving.”

And they’re alone.

“So.” Stiles moves on the bed, sitting and grinning “Finally?”

“It’s… Ok.” Derek pushes himself up “When I came back I still remembered you, or who you used to be, the little girl Stacy and how fun she was. So the first thing I asked when I got home was if you were still here. Cora and Erica told me, well, everything.”

“And you didn’t get disappointed? You came looking for a Stacy and…” He stops himself, eyes dropping to his hands “And you found a Stiles.”

“No, I was not disappointed because as it turns out,” Derek’s traces little circles on his jaw, making Stiles look up at him “If I liked Stacy, I don’t even know how I feel about a Stiles.” Stiles smiles shyly, coming closer, and Derek can feel his breath, the ghost of his lips, when Laura comes bursting in.

“Aren’t you guys adorable!” She throws herself between them “I was thinking we could watch a movie, after we clean the house you know.”

“I love that idea!” Erica and Cora join them, bucket of popcorn on their hands, because his friends have no sense of boundaries “Scott, Allison, come on up, enough making out on my couch!”

“Guys, Derek and I were kind of having a moment here.”

“You can have your moments on your date next Friday.” Laura winks at Stiles “Derek we’ll take you to have some nice ice cream, it’ll be fun.”

“I hate you.” Derek barks out, but everyone knows he doesn’t meant it.

Derek is a sucky liar.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey, I am back and I nailed my exams, thank you very much! Haha' 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I loved writting it! The next one comes out in two or three weeks because I'm working on another story based on grey's anatomy but with Sterek because well, who needs a life? Hahaha  
> I missed you guys <3 Hope your lives are going great!  
> Kisses and hugs!


End file.
